Posted by: saltyseven | February 24, 2008

Headed backwards or forward?

Ok, something has really been bothering me for 2 years now.  When I first met the Holy Spirit 4+ years ago everything was just awesome.  I would spend hours reading the word everyday, praying in the spirit…and many MANY hours in worship.

It wasn’t long before I realized that..that was not a “normal” thing to do.  I came to people in my church with dreams, visions, revelations…and 99% of the people just thought I was crazy.  Everywhere I went I could feel the Holy Spirit, I was literally praying without ceasing as the spirit lead and as the Lord put people in my path.  The presence of God got so strong at times in my prayer closet I thought I was just going to get taken up forever. (I know how Smith Wigglesworth felt.  The presence of the Lord was so strong with him, thats why he believed he was going to be “raptured” and possibly never die…because it feels like that)

I lost this place, and I do not know how to get back to it.  I’ve been trying for 2 years.  Somewhere, somehow I lost focus and just got dry.  I took my focus of the Lord and put them on my gifts.  I just repent, once again right now.

 Jesus, come see me through

Lift me up so that I would not be put to shame

Change my world completely

Let me never be the same. 

I’ve been trying to get back to this place I was at with the Lord, but it just is not working.  I get so distracted, frustrated, bored, etc. The only thing that is really easy is praying in the spirit…but after praying a 1-2 hours a day for 7 days straight…I just get attacked all kinds of ways.

I’m so evil, we all are…there is nothing good within me.. but Jesus loves me anyway.  Thats what he tells me at times.  At least once every couple weeks I hear “…I love you anyway” Its insane, but its true.

Whatever we think we know…we really have no idea.  I keep thinking I know something, but then God opens my eyes and I realize how much I just cannot see.


  1. I know exactly what you are talking about…I am there with you. What you explained was like reading my situation ver batum. I think the reason is…and don’t quote me, but we got disheartened somehow when others didn’t take us seriously. I have been walking a lonely road because those of whom I have fellowshipped with did not take serious what the Lord was teaching me. Please email me, I’d love to fellowship and pray with you! God Bless

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